i really don't know if its just me but i think about the future a lot. like a lot a lot. i question my career my love life. i honestly dont know which one i think of more. probably my love life. i have been alone for almost 4 years now. ive become accustomed to being alone. i do what i want when i want. i dont have to compromise. i think about that. and how important it is to compromise in a relationship. i honestly dont know if i have what it takes to be in a relationship anymore. i think about the hurt and betrayal. i dont know if i would fall in love too fast or not be able to fall in love at all. i even thought how i would probably freak out if someone kissed me. im a big ball of weird. i dont particularly think of myself as attractive. ive gained 30 pounds in 3 years. i eat my feelings or maybe i always have. i dont know if i have what it takes to be in a relationship. lance hurt me real bad. that along with pablo...im telling you i dont have another relationship in me. but if i really think about that...why do i fixate on a relationship possibility? i dont know. i dont even know if my heart is healed. i dont know.
i dont know who i am.
i dont know what im doing
i dont know where im going
all i see is someone who doesnt have shit figured out. im confused.