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Jan. 19th, 2017 @ 05:37 am Land of confusion
It seems that i turn to you...my dearest log when everything is all mixed up. Recently, i decided it may be time to move on from my current job and try something else. The biggest problem being idk what that something is. I am constantly confused about what I want. Who i am. I know i can pray about these things but I feel awkward praying for myself. Two days ago... i just could not deal and i prayes for God to help ease me and calm me down. It did help a lot. I got into it with my dad yesterday. Crazy thing us idk what happened. It appears he may have already in a bad mood and I just so happen to be his target. He will never apologize for what he did or said. I didn't sleep well. I ever got up earlier today. Im exhausted. What do i do? Every time I think about moving on, i think i need more structure and to be stable at a job. That that is the mature and adult thing to do. Im not a kid anymore. I onced asked my dad what to do when you dont like your job. He said he had jobs he hated but didn't leave because he had to support his family. Well im all alone.. this gives me freedom to move around. This freedom terrifies me. I doubt myself all the time. I always have and always will. I know i need to pray but that scares me too. Sometimes you get what you pray for....sometimes you get what you get. We dont have a crystal ball. Your decisions are half chance...so are everybody elses. But me.. i dont know if im willing to take that chance. My job has become a security blanket. All it isnt always cozy... i know it. I understand it. Im good at it. Why would you want to move on to the unfamiliar? Idk. That is what keeps me so trapped. What do i do? Is this what im supposed to be doing? Help me.
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